My notebook from standard four

I still remember those restless times
and those when everything around me relaxed
but this evidence of my first admiration
this cant be real , this isn't hallucination
after thirteen years i am holding again
and in heavens name i cant believe
in this, her serene smile i store
i found my notebook from standard four


that perfect silhouette
let me check if i could get,
drawn on last page in black and grey
that's exactly where my memories stray
yes its still here, and she's the same
goat mam ya that was her name
now what can i ask more
i found my notebook from standard four


she was my angel from the promised land
i remember the first time she touched my hand
promise it wasn't the fools day
and i still cherish those memories in my own way
i loved watching her page after page
i wish it was my self abusing age
anyways its like an ancient lore
i found my notebook from standard four


year 1996 and age of ten, i admit plum
i could n even reach above her bosom
even if i stood on the table
with my friends i never shared this fable
wish i told her about my infatuation
and now in final year of my graduation
i can still see her in the colorless apparel she wore
because , i have found my notebook from standard four................

As Thou Thinketh!!!

Right or Wrong ? Good or Bad ? True or False ? These simple yet quite thoughtful questions often surround us every minute we think of something.But,is there any proper method to decide which option will be best. For me its an obvious "NO" . Depending on a given situation my decision might differ from that as it might had been, had i be at some other place , in some other time or may be completely different person .

Since birth we all have a tendency of making decisions depending upon the people or the consequences which will directly result from our just a simple "YES" or "NO".I still remember those days of adolescence when my dad used to tell me " no beta ! this isn't the right time to do it " or my mom occasionally yelling at me " that's no way to talk to your younger sister " . At that time i couldn't make out why its wrong for me when my friends and my cousins can do it. I just used to hold myself thinking why am i not allowed whats right or wrong for me. After all i am sensible and big enough now.Now after twenty one years of my quest to understand this irony of situation, I have finally reached a conclusion that nothing is Right or Wrong. Nothing is Good or Bad. But the other way round, for every good there exists something bad.whenever you realize something is correct , in no time you will also find something incorrect related to it. quite confusing isn't it It's ought to be confusing.Nothing is universally correct , good , true or any other positive adjective you can think of at this time.

So as long as we have different ways of thinking this act of vacillation will be present throughout. "ITS ALL WHAT YOU THINK THAT MATTERS"

Afraid This Time

i never did , i never did
i never told you,i am sorry
but u never asked
i loved ,and still love
may be more than i ever had

just hold my hand
its no good saying it,
i wanna make you understand
that voice, mocks the heaven's bell
and those eyes,hold me from hell.

I had honored you,
but my angel I had loved.
save me from doing this crime
sorry dear, but am afraid this time....


If you can count my pain,
you will definitely see
In my own skin I could feel
the effects of this fate
and I taste them with my soul

with her,rises of a scent of mirth
only her memory am holding since birth,
wish i don't hurt you,
yes, you got it right,
sorry dear, but am afraid this time....


In this fair city for first time,
whose visions flash so bright
waiting with burning impatience
hmm,she loves roses,but only white.

By whom my hopes are fed
and her love still in my head
running out of words
let my love mime,
sorry dear,but am afraid this time.

Mr dont give a fuck

my words always stab me right in the head
you wont get them else youll be in mess
but you can if you were a fag or a lil less
trying to explain you the best
take the pain my hands address
i cant make out the reasons
for cold sweat down your spine
the uninvited december rain
or is it the fear of being divine
am not a shirt lifter not a sapphic either
call me mr dont give a fuck
i know you gonna do that neither
i dont write even a word
but each time its gettin more absurd
whisper softly the shit you've got
thats gonna give me so much composure
hey wait ,why am i not getting any closer
well this fucking thing needs to get over
ok i am done, i already came twice
now,its your turn,be wise
read the warning about the parental advice.

warning: explicit content parental discretion is advised